Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
