the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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