i just wanna soil my oats bro
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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