He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He did a backflip because drugs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
