hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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