id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
