ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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