there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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