you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
