How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
