I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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