Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
