then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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