I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
