You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
