I accidentally burped into my bong.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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