The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
