I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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