KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
