before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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