So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
