I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
