guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
