just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
