and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
