I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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