i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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