Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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