We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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