Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
