just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
