my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Boobs speak an international language.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
