please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
