he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
