No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
