I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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