I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
