my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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