one two three fourrrrnication!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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