I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
