arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
