i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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