it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
