hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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