I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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