She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
