I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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