ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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