Got a toothbrush?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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