I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
