Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
