I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
