Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
