Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
