Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
