So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
