dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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