no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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