some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
