2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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