I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
